20131029

Geli (Ikhtilat)


Bismillah

a few days ago, ada sorang budak lelaki ni follow my twitter. i was like, eew! kenapa kau follow aku? i know him as we were in the same class. dia ada bad repo dengan aku, which aku tak suke. tak payah buat camtu pun takpe kot. i cringe everytime i remember the incidents. uufgh. bluergh. tak sukaaaaaa.



Lelaki ni is a very-very dangerous creature. dorang ni cepat perasaan. i really-really know it because i used to be in that state of jahiliyyah bercampur lelaki perempuan. it was cool back then to have many guy friends.. sekarang bila teringat pebenda la aku buat dulu. macam haiwan. takde sempadan percampuran. lembu pun baik sikit ada kandang. eh tapi tak pisah jugak lembu lelaki and lembu perempuan. yeah.

dorang ni buat baik sikit je da perasan kite suke dia, mintak couple la pe la. pebenda?! i kinda know the psychology behind it. kalau perangai pelik-pelik cenggini ke cenggitu, ha mule la tu dorang. bau dah permainannya, memang nature dorang suka pada perempuan. it's in their genes, it's in their hormones, tak kisah la camana bentuk, rupa, saiz pun perempuan tu, as long as perempuan tu produce estrogen yang berlambak and has ovary. bapuk and transgender terkecuali. back then when i was in standard 6, teringat ada sorang budak india ni, dia baik and pandai, and comel jugak. he did not really look like an indian pun. sikh-sikh camtu. we used to be in the same group, aku selalu refer dia english and suruh dia proofread my essay and homework. so cam best friend la gittew. tetibe da nak hujung tahun tu confess pulak, nak jadi lebih dari kawan. pebenda?! bukan nak cakap aku hot stuff ke pe, my point is masa tu aku ingat lagi aku la antara budak pompuan terselekeh kat sekolah. deoderant pun tak reti pakai lagi. tudung serabai rasa cam nak tercabut je everytime. bekal pun mama hantar hari-hari. i was like. pebende kah? and aku tak tahu dia sedar tak masa tu dia masih di bawah tanggungan mak bapak dia and jadi ape pun kalau dia couple dnegan classmate dia yang tak matang ni? ada masa depan ke? no. he just realised about his raging hormone and trying to find someone to channel it. unfortunately it was me. and tu la dia. nak cakapnya jangan memain dengan hormone dalam badan kau. 

i just like to study social interaction dari segi physiology lately. believe it or not, perasaan suka and comfortable kite pada seseorang (lelaki, preferrabily) is due to hormone called pheromone. dia ni la yang buat kite tersyok sangat pada seseorang yang berlainan jantina. and tingkap kepada hormone ni adalah distance and eye-contact. so yeah. i leave the rest to your imagination. bahasa kasarnya nafsu la tu. bisikan syaitan. cume fancy sikit kalau guna term bahase inggeris ni. tak nampak dosa sangat.

and there was this one guy masa sekolah menengah, whom aku baik dengan, dia pun baik, funny, yada, yada. the history repeats itself. pointnya: sebab melayan. I always thought him as a friend. nice, guy friend. tak pernah terfikir lebih dari kawan. but i was dumb enough back then to think that way. yeah. i was THAT dumb. no. Lelaki tak boleh kawan dengan perempuan. tak boleh in zillion years. they always want more than that. cume berani tak berani je nak confess. believe me. last-last nak couple jugak. pebenda?! creepy gila mamat ni ajak kawin terus. pebenda?! i was 17 at that time for God sake. sanagat gigih la dia ni sampai taktau nak buat ape lagi. dah. asyik call memanjang. we studied in the same school so tak boleh nak elak dari jumpe dia, really. until this one day, i brutally decided to tell him i was engaged. that was absolutely a lie. sampai sekarang aku tak tahu apa status aku di mata Tuhan menipu sebegitu rupa T_T. tapi dharurat masa tu. and he never call me again. ever. and now he's happily married to someone else and expecting a baby anytime soon. alhamdulillah. pointnye: jangan melayan; it is that chronic. tak kisahla kau rasa kawan je ke, takde perasaan ke. kalau kau tak rasa 'sesuatu', believe me, dia yang akan rasa 'sesuatu'. read more about men, you'll be shock with your findings on it. creepy and gross jugak at the same time. 


Bila Allah cakap tundukkan pandangan dan jaga kemaluan, takde pulak Allah tambah tunduk dan jaga hanya bila timbul perasaan, tak. no. Sebab Allah tahu fitrah kite. nooooooooooooo. Dont be ridiculous. ALLAH CIPTA KITE ALLAH TAHU LA. come on people. 

nak citer tu je. motif cerita bukan nak cakap aku hot stuff ke pe. again; 

sunnatullah hubungan lelaki dan perempuan. 

kalau Allah kata jangan dekat dengan zina, jalan menuju nya pun jauhkanlah.

entahlah. perlu sangat hidayah dan kekuatan dari Allah untuk dibuka hijab apa tu jalan dosa dan pahala.

marilah lembutkan hati untuk menerima, mencari. 

Allah akan tunjuk jalan kalau hati benar-benar mahu. sungguh. Allah akan pandu.

astaghfirullahal azim wa alhamdulillah..

so yeah. after all. aku pun bukan baik sanagat. dont simply measure me through the size of my tudung.

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