20140619

ustazah.

Bismillah


aku selalu hesitate untuk keluar pegi mana-mana tempat yang orang kenal aku. i dont really like the situation where i have to explain about myself to other people, what am i up to, yada yada.

and disebabkan apa yang aku pakai before high school and after high school sangat jauh beza. aku selalu rasa malu nak display myself to the public padahal bagus la kan kalau pakaian dah bertukar jadi better. more syariah compliant. katanya la.

aku pulak yang segan pada orang. tahi apakah ini.

Ada satu hari ni my sister and I pegi breakfast kat kedai makan near to our house. and masa makan tu ada a few kawan lelaki masa sekolah menengah datang. duduk kat meja berdekatan. aku rasa nak lari and nyorok. i feel like; 'no u guys cant see me like this!' apehal aku nak rasa begitu pun aku tidak tahu mengapa. i cringe. cuba menggulungkan diri seperti seekor ulat gonggok so they cant see me. tapi gagal. i secretly hope that they could not recognize me. tapi aku awet muda sangat. they knew me.

tetibe terdengar suara seorang dari mereka cakap something like this;


'weh ada orang tu dah jadi ustazah seh' pastu gelak-gelak.


and i know exactly that he was referring to me.

jahatnya mulut. tetibe rasa nak nangis on the spot. that humiliation. 

---wait. what? kenapa nak rasa humiliated pulak? see. i also kenot understand myself.

drama kan budak tu? i thought usik-usik keji macam tu only happens in drama melayu picisan! this adds more reason why i should ban malay movies/drama in my life. look what it does to my poor fellow friend's ability to think!

rasa sedih gila. 

kenapa society makes me feel like im the one who should be blamed just because i present myself differently?




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